In the beginning there was the progressive god STATISTICS and all was good, now statistics hooked up with the progressive goddess EUGENICS. Now through progressive scientific methods these two gods have proven that the progressives are truly the “Elite and the chosen ones” We will soon exile the works of Heretic Mark Twain into oblivion for his blasphemous works, words and deeds, his statements like, There are three kinds of lies: Lies,Damn Lies and Statistics” He further expands on these views in his work entitled “Moral Statistician” Never mind that the work of Huck Finn is blasphemy against the goddess EUGENICS, those heathen conservatives have turned the unwashed masses against her, but worry not. EUGENICS and STATISTICS had a love child META-ANALYSIS who together with his father will lift her back to her rightful place.
Why even today we have proven that those TEA Party activist clinging to their Second Amendment Rights are nothing but Beer guzzling swine. Never mind that if you did the same study in the Progressive Mecca of Madison you would get the opposite results.
Why we have even proven that Progressives live longer, Never mind that the Conservative presidents outlived the progressive ones by a great deal. The Two most progressive Presidents Franklin D Roosevelt died at the age of 63, and ultra progressive Lyndon B Johnson died at 64 while conservative Ronald Reagan lived to be 93, Why even those pesky founding fathers lived longer then the modern progressive, John Adams 90, Thomas Jefferson 83,James Madison 85 even George Washington lived to 67. Never mind the facts bow to the progressive god STATISTICS.
We have even shown how those unclean smokers that fight the smoking ban clinging to their property rights are inferior and uneducated swine. Never mind that some of the greatest minds throughout history smoked, Edison,Einstein,Oppenheimer etc etc etc, never mind the positive science on the effects on the brain
Now EUGENICS and STATISTICS had one more love child, GLOBAL WARMING, sadly GLOBAL WARMING got caught up in a scandal and had to be renamed CLIMATE CHANGE. But fear not, STATISTICS and META-ANALYSIS will restore him to his rightful place. We control their healthcare, once we control energy we progressives will rise to our rightful place of power, we will control all. Fellow Progressive Adolph would be proud, we have succeeded where he failed.
Update: As I wrote this Progressive propagandist Chris Mathews had a rant about the Love child GLOBAL WARMING. Of course he ignored the fact that they got caught faking the information and were forced to admit there has not been any warming in the last 15 years.